Wednesday, November 26, 2014
The Challenge
I just wrote a friend and this is the stuff I wrote.....
You have known me long enough and know I'm not insane. (Well, as I wrote that, I had my doubts hahahah) I"m all in on my website. And God has prepared me for this. Look at the challenges facing me
The mental and physical strain of being homeless. I'm in a van in the NW. Everything is always damp in the van. Not a good feeling.
Money to develop, revise a website
Money for a business license
Money for patent application.
All this was no income? I walked around the past 2 weeks with $10 to my name.
The patent/intellectual part of this journey is a must. There is a custom application that must be made. (I can already see will cost thousands). It is what will give me the niche. I"m going into a field with so many already established major players. Monster.com, Indeed, LinkIn. It be too easy for them to take my idea and develop it themselves. Without some legal protection and a major venture capitalist on my side....it will be doomed to fail. And yet, I already realize you can't patent ideas.
The insane part of this journey?
Make a website with no money.
Fight through mental lonely and physical discomforts of being homeless.
Try to dominate a internet landscape with your website filled with billion dollar established websites.
These obstacles are insane!
The challenge is established. It is as if all the hardship of my amazing life was a training ground for this.
Challenge accepted.
You have known me long enough and know I'm not insane. (Well, as I wrote that, I had my doubts hahahah) I"m all in on my website. And God has prepared me for this. Look at the challenges facing me
The mental and physical strain of being homeless. I'm in a van in the NW. Everything is always damp in the van. Not a good feeling.
Money to develop, revise a website
Money for a business license
Money for patent application.
All this was no income? I walked around the past 2 weeks with $10 to my name.
The patent/intellectual part of this journey is a must. There is a custom application that must be made. (I can already see will cost thousands). It is what will give me the niche. I"m going into a field with so many already established major players. Monster.com, Indeed, LinkIn. It be too easy for them to take my idea and develop it themselves. Without some legal protection and a major venture capitalist on my side....it will be doomed to fail. And yet, I already realize you can't patent ideas.
The insane part of this journey?
Make a website with no money.
Fight through mental lonely and physical discomforts of being homeless.
Try to dominate a internet landscape with your website filled with billion dollar established websites.
These obstacles are insane!
The challenge is established. It is as if all the hardship of my amazing life was a training ground for this.
Challenge accepted.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
YMCA Rejection
Taking a shower at the YMCA. A white man and a Indian guy right next to me. They were talking about some project. I heard the word programming. "Do you guys program?"
white guy "yes, who are you?"
me, "I'm a homeless person"
stare
"I have a website, I need help, may you can take a look"
White man hurried packed up, no to getting his email address. No to any kind of contact info. He leaves
I turn to Indian man who is almost done dressing. "what about you"
reply "what about me?"
me "you want to help? You have a email address?"
reply "I don't give out my personal information"
me " I have like 7 email addresses. Everyone has multiple email addresses. You telling me you don't have a general email you can give out. You going to say no to something you haven't even looked at?"
reply "Yea, sorry. I don't have a email address to give out" walks out
Me putting on 2 layers of sweat pants before I put on my jeans didn't help.
Rap music from a car
Walking out of St. Leo soup kitchen. Brand new white japanese with rap music blaring. I only heard one phrase of the music. The words "Fuck yea Nigger". I looked saw the driver. A young white bald man. You driving a brand new car with that kind of music. And you alone in the car. Something just didn't seem right.
Library Call Girl?
I'm sitting in the tacoma library right now. Next to me a 30's decent looking lady. 20 minutes in, her phone rings. this is what I hear
"Hello
Who is this?
Who are you?
Oh hey baby. How are you
I'm available around 6
Ok baby, how about 5:30
that sounds wonderful honey.
oh yea that is a nice place
Oh wait let me give you directions. I think you about 20 minutes away honey.
Ok baby, see you soon.
All this in a you know, a certain kind of voice. She hangs up. Logs out of the computer and walks out.
Web developer mess
The web developer that made first verson of HRBenny.com was so bad, he didn't even include a way to change the admin login. Now I have no way to change admin login. I have to go find and pay a developer to do that. But its ok. The whole website basically has to have an over haul.
I'm signing up for kickstarter. A catholic worker that knows me from where I park my van is going to help me make the video that goes on kickstarter. Well actually she just going to hold the camera.
Monday, November 10, 2014
Careful talking to strangers
One day out of boredom, was hanging around the Emerald queen casino for a free meal. Met an older black man James Williams. Told him everything about my website. Even told him its HRbenny.
Ever since then, he been wanting to meet and talk about it. I have refused. What skill I have developed in my life is the ability to read people well.
As it turns out, he is trying to act like he is involved. If it turns into something, he wants to hopefully get a piece without doing anything. Con artists always seeking to get something for nothing.
My mistake for even talking about this project to men standing around a casino just to get a free meal.
Ever since then, he been wanting to meet and talk about it. I have refused. What skill I have developed in my life is the ability to read people well.
As it turns out, he is trying to act like he is involved. If it turns into something, he wants to hopefully get a piece without doing anything. Con artists always seeking to get something for nothing.
My mistake for even talking about this project to men standing around a casino just to get a free meal.
The Crying Man
I few time a week, I eat lunch at St. Leo's church. The food is normally terrible. But I'm parked right next to it on G street. So I go.
St. Leo's church is also right accross the street from Bates Technical college in Tacoma. Almost everyday, I walk past it. I was waiting to meet someone to give her a ride to the laundry mat with her bags of clothe. And for some odd reason, I got the inclining to walk over to Bates and see if I can find the Web Development instructor.
Here I am, looking every part of a homeless person, walking in small technical college. Internet says Ingrid S. the instructor is in M118. Wandering. Looking. I see M123. Turn the corner. I see a lady with a child walking towards me. Must be a Day Care center on the first floor. Another lady with 3 kids behind her approaches. I see a corner where M118 should be. I turn left. As I turned into the hallway, I already new what was about to come.
yelling, "Escuse me. Sir!Sir!!Can I help you!"
A homeless appearing brown skin man near a day care center. It was inevitable
"I'm looking for a I. Smith. A instructor"
she asks around to another woman while holding kids "You heard of a Smith?" I stood there, waiting for her fear to settle and let me move on.
In my mind - "Lady, bad guys are not going to be wearing 2 coats, backpack and not shaven"
A Indian looking man in M118 tells me I might find Instructor Ingrid S. on the 2nd floor. So I go. But, I've lived this scene before. And it never turns out well. Allot of anxiety. Rejection, no matter how many times, is no fun.
On the second floor, I walk into a computer lab. A small office. A man is in the office facing a Lady.
"Its nothing important, I can come back later."
The man insisted on leaving and the woman insisted on I come in.
"I'm sorry, I feel like an Intruder." (ok time to kick me out - nope)
"You know, there is so many homeless people in this neighborhood. St. Leo is just across the street. Well I'm one of them. I live a white van on G street. I have a website. I know you have students. Maybe you guys can help" (ok time for the rejection)
Instructor Ingrid S. , "......(something about students).....if you send me the link to the website, I can take a look"
From here, something happened to me. An uncontrollable situation. I started crying. No amount of will power could stop it. Tears kept flowing down my face. I could not speak properly. I had to keep wiping away the tears. I was literally sobbing in front of the Web developer Instructor. She must be wondering - What in the world is this?
Maybe it was the experience a year ago at the University of Washington main campus. I walked around the computer science department. I looked of the computer science professor that I"ve seen on the internet pictures of him with minority students.
I found his office. He is inside. He glared at me when I asked for 5 minutes of his time. He slammed his door. No exaggeration. It was a slam. A definite slam of the door.
Then the next professor. Then the next . All asked me to leave.
I was an intruder.
Maybe it was all the meetups I've attended of programmers. Each time, I would be honest and introduce myself first as a homeless person.
Maybe it was 3 months ago. At this Tacoma computer user experience meetup attended by UW Tacoma computer science students and professionals from the community. I had RSVP, - Homeless man looking for help on a website. I stood in that meeting alone for 10 minutes. Finally I sat down. After 15 minutes sitting there, I had the waitress take a picture.
Later on, I just bluntly asked one student "Will you help?" Answer no.
Asked another programmer. Answer no
Ran into an Assistant professor E. Rose of the UW Tacoma computer science. She gave me her card. She told me to email her with the details. I emailed her. NO reply. I emailed her again . No reply.
Maybe its the cold weather approaching. The realization you are alone in this world. I am alone. I only have the support of a sister who always help but I know she is spread thin. I am alone. All my life its me against the world. Surviving. A distant aunt I haven't heard from in 30 years recently got hold of me. She offered all expenses payed trip for me and my son to Taiwan. To bring the brothers together. All expenses payed.
Last month I told her no. I would not attend. I explained to her, what kind of man would abandon their brother. They know I'm homeless. They know the reasons I can't get employment. They know I don't do drugs or have mental issues. Why would they abandon me? Why should I see them.
I guess i'm tired.
Tired of the rejections all my life.
Tired
And just hearing the words "maybe" was too much. I started crying. For "maybe" was definitely better than the usual "No"
So. HRBenny. First version is up and running. Have months to go. This is only 10% of the process. Step 1 in a thousand steps to go.
11-21-2014 update *
I saw the web development instructor again last week. She is unable to help. her students are only doing simple design work. It is a tiny technical college. At least she tried.
St. Leo's church is also right accross the street from Bates Technical college in Tacoma. Almost everyday, I walk past it. I was waiting to meet someone to give her a ride to the laundry mat with her bags of clothe. And for some odd reason, I got the inclining to walk over to Bates and see if I can find the Web Development instructor.
Here I am, looking every part of a homeless person, walking in small technical college. Internet says Ingrid S. the instructor is in M118. Wandering. Looking. I see M123. Turn the corner. I see a lady with a child walking towards me. Must be a Day Care center on the first floor. Another lady with 3 kids behind her approaches. I see a corner where M118 should be. I turn left. As I turned into the hallway, I already new what was about to come.
yelling, "Escuse me. Sir!Sir!!Can I help you!"
A homeless appearing brown skin man near a day care center. It was inevitable
"I'm looking for a I. Smith. A instructor"
she asks around to another woman while holding kids "You heard of a Smith?" I stood there, waiting for her fear to settle and let me move on.
In my mind - "Lady, bad guys are not going to be wearing 2 coats, backpack and not shaven"
A Indian looking man in M118 tells me I might find Instructor Ingrid S. on the 2nd floor. So I go. But, I've lived this scene before. And it never turns out well. Allot of anxiety. Rejection, no matter how many times, is no fun.
On the second floor, I walk into a computer lab. A small office. A man is in the office facing a Lady.
"Its nothing important, I can come back later."
The man insisted on leaving and the woman insisted on I come in.
"I'm sorry, I feel like an Intruder." (ok time to kick me out - nope)
"You know, there is so many homeless people in this neighborhood. St. Leo is just across the street. Well I'm one of them. I live a white van on G street. I have a website. I know you have students. Maybe you guys can help" (ok time for the rejection)
Instructor Ingrid S. , "......(something about students).....if you send me the link to the website, I can take a look"
From here, something happened to me. An uncontrollable situation. I started crying. No amount of will power could stop it. Tears kept flowing down my face. I could not speak properly. I had to keep wiping away the tears. I was literally sobbing in front of the Web developer Instructor. She must be wondering - What in the world is this?
Maybe it was the experience a year ago at the University of Washington main campus. I walked around the computer science department. I looked of the computer science professor that I"ve seen on the internet pictures of him with minority students.
I found his office. He is inside. He glared at me when I asked for 5 minutes of his time. He slammed his door. No exaggeration. It was a slam. A definite slam of the door.
Then the next professor. Then the next . All asked me to leave.
I was an intruder.
Maybe it was all the meetups I've attended of programmers. Each time, I would be honest and introduce myself first as a homeless person.
Maybe it was 3 months ago. At this Tacoma computer user experience meetup attended by UW Tacoma computer science students and professionals from the community. I had RSVP, - Homeless man looking for help on a website. I stood in that meeting alone for 10 minutes. Finally I sat down. After 15 minutes sitting there, I had the waitress take a picture.
Asked another programmer. Answer no
Ran into an Assistant professor E. Rose of the UW Tacoma computer science. She gave me her card. She told me to email her with the details. I emailed her. NO reply. I emailed her again . No reply.
Maybe its the cold weather approaching. The realization you are alone in this world. I am alone. I only have the support of a sister who always help but I know she is spread thin. I am alone. All my life its me against the world. Surviving. A distant aunt I haven't heard from in 30 years recently got hold of me. She offered all expenses payed trip for me and my son to Taiwan. To bring the brothers together. All expenses payed.
Last month I told her no. I would not attend. I explained to her, what kind of man would abandon their brother. They know I'm homeless. They know the reasons I can't get employment. They know I don't do drugs or have mental issues. Why would they abandon me? Why should I see them.
I guess i'm tired.
Tired of the rejections all my life.
Tired
And just hearing the words "maybe" was too much. I started crying. For "maybe" was definitely better than the usual "No"
So. HRBenny. First version is up and running. Have months to go. This is only 10% of the process. Step 1 in a thousand steps to go.
11-21-2014 update *
I saw the web development instructor again last week. She is unable to help. her students are only doing simple design work. It is a tiny technical college. At least she tried.
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