St. Leo's church is also right accross the street from Bates Technical college in Tacoma. Almost everyday, I walk past it. I was waiting to meet someone to give her a ride to the laundry mat with her bags of clothe. And for some odd reason, I got the inclining to walk over to Bates and see if I can find the Web Development instructor.
Here I am, looking every part of a homeless person, walking in small technical college. Internet says Ingrid S. the instructor is in M118. Wandering. Looking. I see M123. Turn the corner. I see a lady with a child walking towards me. Must be a Day Care center on the first floor. Another lady with 3 kids behind her approaches. I see a corner where M118 should be. I turn left. As I turned into the hallway, I already new what was about to come.
yelling, "Escuse me. Sir!Sir!!Can I help you!"
A homeless appearing brown skin man near a day care center. It was inevitable
"I'm looking for a I. Smith. A instructor"
she asks around to another woman while holding kids "You heard of a Smith?" I stood there, waiting for her fear to settle and let me move on.
In my mind - "Lady, bad guys are not going to be wearing 2 coats, backpack and not shaven"
A Indian looking man in M118 tells me I might find Instructor Ingrid S. on the 2nd floor. So I go. But, I've lived this scene before. And it never turns out well. Allot of anxiety. Rejection, no matter how many times, is no fun.
On the second floor, I walk into a computer lab. A small office. A man is in the office facing a Lady.
"Its nothing important, I can come back later."
The man insisted on leaving and the woman insisted on I come in.
"I'm sorry, I feel like an Intruder." (ok time to kick me out - nope)
"You know, there is so many homeless people in this neighborhood. St. Leo is just across the street. Well I'm one of them. I live a white van on G street. I have a website. I know you have students. Maybe you guys can help" (ok time for the rejection)
Instructor Ingrid S. , "......(something about students).....if you send me the link to the website, I can take a look"
From here, something happened to me. An uncontrollable situation. I started crying. No amount of will power could stop it. Tears kept flowing down my face. I could not speak properly. I had to keep wiping away the tears. I was literally sobbing in front of the Web developer Instructor. She must be wondering - What in the world is this?
Maybe it was the experience a year ago at the University of Washington main campus. I walked around the computer science department. I looked of the computer science professor that I"ve seen on the internet pictures of him with minority students.
I found his office. He is inside. He glared at me when I asked for 5 minutes of his time. He slammed his door. No exaggeration. It was a slam. A definite slam of the door.
Then the next professor. Then the next . All asked me to leave.
I was an intruder.
Maybe it was all the meetups I've attended of programmers. Each time, I would be honest and introduce myself first as a homeless person.
Maybe it was 3 months ago. At this Tacoma computer user experience meetup attended by UW Tacoma computer science students and professionals from the community. I had RSVP, - Homeless man looking for help on a website. I stood in that meeting alone for 10 minutes. Finally I sat down. After 15 minutes sitting there, I had the waitress take a picture.
Asked another programmer. Answer no
Ran into an Assistant professor E. Rose of the UW Tacoma computer science. She gave me her card. She told me to email her with the details. I emailed her. NO reply. I emailed her again . No reply.
Maybe its the cold weather approaching. The realization you are alone in this world. I am alone. I only have the support of a sister who always help but I know she is spread thin. I am alone. All my life its me against the world. Surviving. A distant aunt I haven't heard from in 30 years recently got hold of me. She offered all expenses payed trip for me and my son to Taiwan. To bring the brothers together. All expenses payed.
Last month I told her no. I would not attend. I explained to her, what kind of man would abandon their brother. They know I'm homeless. They know the reasons I can't get employment. They know I don't do drugs or have mental issues. Why would they abandon me? Why should I see them.
I guess i'm tired.
Tired of the rejections all my life.
Tired
And just hearing the words "maybe" was too much. I started crying. For "maybe" was definitely better than the usual "No"
So. HRBenny. First version is up and running. Have months to go. This is only 10% of the process. Step 1 in a thousand steps to go.
11-21-2014 update *
I saw the web development instructor again last week. She is unable to help. her students are only doing simple design work. It is a tiny technical college. At least she tried.
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